Take care, ZY

Three weeks ago, I met ZY, in the street. I've never seen him ever since. Yesterday, I got in touch with him by e-mail, and he told me that it was his last day in Hangzhou. He was going to leave tomorrow, probably never be back; the Hangzhou stop is over, and it's time to move on.

I like photographing people in the street, that's how I met ZY. That afternoon, I saw him practising tossing wine bottles in front of a bar �C he worked in that bar at night. What he was doing was kinda interesting to me, so I stopped to take some shots, and we had a nice conversation. ZY was from another province, he's been to many places and has done lots of jobs. Once he traveled to Hangzhou, where he liked it a lot, and he decided to stay. He said the current job was quite fun, but he was thinking about going to Xingjiang in autumn. I pretty enjoyed talking with ZY. I like talking with strangers, especially with the people whose lives are different from mine, ZY is definitely one of them. Before I left, ZY gave me his e-mail address, and I promised I would send him the pictures I took the next day.

It was yesterday, three weeks later, I emailed him. Too many times, my laziness and the prolem of keeping in touch are eating my life. I've met many people like ZY. I've seen them once or twice, and we've had a good time. But after that, I hardly ever get in touch with them. That's too bad, really.

A few hours later, I got ZY's reply. He was pretty glad that I e-mailed him, and he hoped that we could keep in touch. He'd be leaving Hangzhou right tomorrow, heading to Sichuan--Hunan--Guangxi--Yunnan--Tibet--Gansu--Mongolia... That's a long trip, and these are the places I've been dreaming of going to. I was quite surprised to know his plan. SARS situation is still critical, many people don't even want to get out of the house, but ZY made the decision to travel around China, what a guy! I envy his nerve, and I wish I could live like that. After reading his e-mail, I sort of regretted that I emailed him so late, I wish I could have done it earlier.

I wrote him back, saying sure we'll keep in touch and take care. This morning, I got another e-mail from ZY,

��Though I only saw you once, I'm quite content with it. Before I got your e-mail, I didn't even know you name. Maybe that's Ե ( yuan -- the lot or luck by which people are brought together)! At least now we've got a way to communicate. I'll be leaving this afternoon; before I go, I want to leave some messages to my friends. You know it's probably not easy to go on the Internet on the way. Too bad that I don't have a digital camera, or I could let you see the beautiful scenery through the pictures. If I had chace to go back to Hangzhou someday, I'd get in touch with you, and we could have a good chat then.

I think you're different from others, but not sure what the differences are. Weird. But anyway, after all, we only met once. I guess you're also the type of people who know how to enjoy the life. Life should be much happier! Here're some quotes I like,

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- ZY "

(I like these quotes, my lousy translation probably would screw them up, so I put the original text here. )

I don't know why, but this e-mail makes me a little bit sad. I've been kinda down these days, such email is supposed to cheer me up, but it doesn't work. I don't think I can meet ZY again, just as I've never met any other people like him. The world seems so large. I meet people, I know them and they dissapear from my life... and I may never see them again. Sad, isn't it?

And am I really special or is it just another compliment repeated by people again and again? Am I the one who really knows how to enjoy the life or just the one who seems to have a pretty good life though I don't? Am I the one who's deserved to be remembered by others?

When I'm writing this, ZY has already gone. I'm glad I caught him before he left, I think I'll keep in touch with him on the Internet. Thanks ZY! I'll be missing you...

Red Houses

There're many ugly buildings around. I don't know who designed them, but they must be some sort of geniuses to build such horrible looking buildings. Hangzhou's buildings don't have any style. There're few Chinese styles buildings left. New buildings are western styles mostly. They seem brand new but totally boring. I'm sure in a few years, they'll be getting old and out of date.

I like the houses built in the early 20th a lot. The designs are usually simple, and there's no plaster or anything on the walls, the original bricks are exposed outside. Love bricks. I wonder why people have stopped building these houses anymore. They are 100 million times better looking than most ugly buildings standing in the street, and they seem solid. I'd like to see these houses being built all over China again.

Today I'll show you a campus -- Zhijiang Campus. There're many such houses there, and the bricks are all red. It's one of the campuses of my university, too bad it's not mine. I really really like this campus: the buildings are awesome, the campus is quiet, and it's on a hill! I envy the students who are studying or have once studied there. No kidding, I think I'd be a better student if I could study in such a special campus.
The picture I took last week in Zhijiang Campus--

Hero

Hero, I don't like hero; in the first place, I don't believe there're so many heroes existing in this world.

Take SARS for instance, we see lots of so-called heroes on TV, especially doctors and nurses. The reporters go like this: doctors and nurses are great people; they put their heart and soul into their work, spending all of their time on taking care of SARS patients rather than their family. Though many doctors and nurses have been infected with SARS, they're not afraid because they love their jobs, and they're willing to take their responsibilities. From the media reports, these people are hard working, they don't have any sense of selfishness, and they're just like angels.

But are they really that perfect? Call me cynical, but I couldn't help thinking of some questions. Is it true that doctors and nurses don't fear death? Is it true none of them ever thought of quitting as they care about the patients too much? Is it true that they never have any complain and doubt?

I don't like hospital. One of the reasons is the service is too bad. I go to hospital when sick; I'm expecting to get a good treatment and service. But some doctors are really mean and impatient and inefficient, some nurses are not that nice either--as if I owed them something. So here comes what I don't understand, how come that all of a sudden, all the medical staff turn out to be like angels in front of the TV screen?

I guess I would be the public enemy if I question the medical staff too much at this point. Seems right now, they're the biggest heroes in China. Well, I do respect their work, and probably some of them do deserve to be called something like "angels" , "heroes", but definitly not all of them. They're not saints, they're just ordinary people. They've been doing all these because that's their job. In the begnning of the SARS epidemic, many medical staff died. The news tells us that they were willing to scacrifice themsevles for saving the patients. But the truth is at that time, they didn't know much about this disease, and didn't know how to protect themselves well.

Speaking of SARS, I notice lately the news about SARS has turned out to be so political, it's nothing but propaganda. On TV, we see a bunch of hypocritical officials go to different places, giving well-prepared speeches to the people they don't really care about; we see some so called SARS patients (who I think are fake) appearing in front of the camera, telling us that they're doing great in hospital and SARS is not scary at all (the same interview runs over and over again anyway); we see how calm some foreign students and teachers living in Beijing still are. I'm sick of these single perspective coverage.

Back to the topic of hero. Some people call the medical staff "soldiers". Oh, yeah, soldiers, many soldiers are heroes, and there're many heroes during the war. In many Chinese war movies, there's a strict line to separate the good guys and the bad guys. The good guys are always brave and fearless, who are willing to sacrifice themselves for the country and the people. I don't believe this. I like watching war movies without any hero. I like seeing the ugly sides of people. It's more real. Though some soldiers died, it's not like sacrificing or something, they died because they didn't have any other choice. They probably hated the war, hated their leaders, and they were scared.

The last point I want to make is, though I don't like hero (for many other reasons), I still believe in the existence of heroes; but definitely not that many, and they're definitely not that perfect.

Lost in moments

6:30AM, the clock woke me up. Right at that moment, some thought flashed through my mind -- I didn't want to get up. It was not like I was still sleepy, wanting to stay in bed for a while; or I was too lazy, enjoying sleeping too much; or anything like these. I was pretty awake already. I didn't want to get up as I couldn't come up with any reason to drag me out of the bed. I'd rather fall asleep again, slipping into the unconscious world. In that world, I still exist, I'm still alive, but don't need to deal with anything. I was trying to think of a person, a thing, or a place to take me back to life. I tried hard, but nothing appealed to me. What took up my mind was that nothing interesting's gonna happen today, and tomorrow wouldn't be getting necessarily better. There's no such word as hope, at that gloomy moment.

5 minutes later, that feeling was gone, completely. And I was ready for the new day.

12:30PM, woke up from nowhere. My eyes were still half closed, and my mind was blank. It was morning, afternoon, or evening? For some seconds, I didn't know where I stayed and who I was. After looking around, I realized that I was in the public library. 15 minutes ago, I decided to lean on the desk to take a nap. Everything was getting back in no time, but at the moment I woke up, I did forget everything about myself.

12:20AM, I was riding a bike, on the way to go back home, tired and sleepy. The street was almost empty now. Gamely, I shut my eyes for seconds, wishing when they were opened, I could be lying on my bed. All of a suddenly, I sensed something familiar. Not sure what it was, I just felt that I'd already been to the same place, thinking of the same sort of thing. It was strange, and a little bit scary. I was so sure I'd experienced that moment before, somewhere, sometime. The same feeling occurs to me every now and then --something seems to have already happened, in my dream or somewhere else.

And these were the moments, the moments I was lost, the moments I was lost in some unexplained feelings. I believe once in a while, many of us all have the same moments, the moments we are lost.

Remember Bai Causeway? I did an entry about it three months ago. There're two causeways on West lake: one is Bai Causeway, the other is Su Causeway, which I'll show you today.

"Su Causeway extends 2.8 kilometers with grass and peach and willow trees planted along its entire length. The causeway is named after the Song Dynasty poet, Su Dong Po(1036 - 1101), who was also the governor of Hangzhou. The causeway consists of six simple yet beautiful bridges and the embankments along the way are all planted up with pretty trees and flowers. "

I went to Su Causeway last afternoon. At first I just wanted to take some pictures, as the weather was extremely nice. But when I was there, I really enjoyed walking along the Causeway rather than busy with my camera. Because of SARS, there were few people taking a walk outside. Su Causeway was quiet. Good. SARS is not that bad in many ways. Buses are less crowded, I can get a seat every time I take a bus. Few people eat out, I don't need to wait long to get the food in restaurants. New excuses can be made for cutting classes, even the teachers have more tolerance for our absences... And, because of SARS, I feel more alive than ever.

Take a look at my Su Causeway pictures.

Keep in Touch

I've probably kept you waiting for quite a while to get my e-mail replies, even worse -- never write you back. I probably never call you though I said I would. I probably never get what I've promised done. Yeah, I probably never get in touch with you as if I've disappeared in this world.

It seems that I never send you anything before you write to me. It seems I won't go out with you unless you ask. It seems that I never think of you though you care about me a lot. Yeah, It seems that I'm not enthusiastic about keeping in touch wth you.

Yeah, that's me, the one who lets many people down every now and then. I suck. And I'm really sorry, I do mean it.

I've never kept any long time good friends. Asking myself why, I used to think the reason was that I haven't met anyone I really wanna be with. Always saying something like "I'm eager to have true friends", "I really want to meet some interesting people", "I don't have many friends because I don't wanna be with somebody I don't like and I'm not confident to be with someone I like.". Crap. I'm actually lying to myself -- that's what I've realized recently. The real reason I've got so few friends is that deep down I don't want to make friends with people, and I don't feel like talking with other people that much, at least I've never tried. I could have had more friend s if I tried a little bit harder. I've already met many great people who are probably willing to be my friend, but I just let them go. It's all my own fault, too many times, I just want to be left alone.

I'm a lousy person in some way. Always waiting for you saying or doing something to me first, then I slowly move, even never respond. It's a very very bad habit. If I ever annoyed you, I'm really sorry, and I want to let you know that it's not personal, really. It's not like I don't feel like keeping in touch with you or something, but I'm probably not in the mood for dealing with anyone or anything at that moment, sometimes all I want to do is hide in my own place.

Once go to somewhere new, I easily forget the past. I no longer feel much ties with what I've been through and who I've been with. It's really hard for me to pick up something having left behind for a while, like saying hi to some old friend.

I thought I would be different in the Internet world, since it's much easier and convenient to keep in touch with people here. I started blogging, I've been meeting new people, and I got to know you. I really thought I could be different and better. But I was wrong -- the same problem has come out . I've been having a hard time keeping in touch with many people who're really nice to me. I feel gulity sometimes, as I can't give them back what they give me. I even can't take it in the first place. I want to let the world know more about me, but I don't feel like geting too much feedback. Part of me wants to be shared and listened to; part of me wants to be left alone again.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying leave me alone. I just want to write this up honestly, for myself and for you. I really don't like this part of me, sick of it. I need to get over many things and make a change. I'll be trying. The Internet world seems to be a good start. Please don't give up on me. I won't become a better person tomorrow, but I believe I can get out of this place I've been stuck into all my life.

Abandoned

What are you doing? -- People ask me.
I'm taking pictures. --- I tell them.
But what for? -- The question follows.

What for, what -- for? Well, I don't really know, I've never thought about it seriously.

I love some abandoned places, construction sites street corners... The beauty of them is special and unknown to most people. Once I find such place I like, I'd stay there for long long time. What I like most is they seem to belong to me, as few people would notice them. Though these places are parts of the world I'm familiar with (and tired of), they're so different that I almost forget where I am. I'm getting a feeling of escape, as if I was in another world.

Here're what I'm talking about...

Everyman His Own Historian

I was reading this article this morning. By tomorrow, a 3000 words review has to be done for some class. I was supposed to start writing two weeks ago, then I'd have had more time to go to a library to check some books. But every day, I was thinking about tomorrow; finally, there's no time left---tomorrow is the deadline, and I have to get the writing started today.

Didn't have enough time to go to some library or bookstore, the only tool I could count on is the Internet. The review would be done in Chinese, so I searched the information in some Chinese search engine, but I couldn't find anything valuable. I changed the language into English -- 4000 results appeared, and the first result was the original article. Cool. I was pretty satisfied with getting that article, and I didn't feel like reading more information on this subject or copy others' reviews... Everyman His Own Historian, right, I probably could write a good article review without the help of any other information.

So I started reading. The English text was kinda long; soon, I was getting impatient with reading it. My reading ability is Okay, but once the articles get long and complicated, it's hard for me to concentrate. I didn't think I could finish reading. Luckily, a classmate lent me the Chinese copy for that article this afternoon. Great! Chinese was my savior, I was excited to get the article in Chinese. Reading process started again.

But only after reading a couple of pages, I became impatient again --- I couldn't get the article at all! The words were dry and obscure. Some parts didn't make any sense, even though I read them over and over again. I was confused, as that Chinese copy was published by one of the best publish houses in China, so the translation work was supposed to be all right, but it's really hard for me to understand. I picked up the original text again. The rest of the afternoon, I was reading and comparing the two versions sentence by sentence. And I realize as long as I'm being more patient, the original text is not that difficult at all. I know most of the words there, and Carl Becker was making his points by setting simple examples. Though I can't get some of his points, it's not the language problem, I can still not understand these points when I'm reading the Chinese version of that article.

Speaking of the Chinese version, the translation is lousy. I don't think anyone could fully understand the original article by reading that Chinese translation. I've been reading many (translated) academic books. In very few cases, I could finish reading or enjoy the books as most of them seem hard to understand or completely dry. But are they really beyond my comprehension or do they turn out to be difficult to read after being translated into Chinese? Can we do a better job on translating or have we already done the best we could? Many old historical professors don't know English (or other languages), which means they only read Chinese translations. How could they do researches on the world history without fully understanding some works written in other languages? Some translations might be wrong or not clear, how could they write thoughtful reviews when the translations don't make any sense? ... I tend to think that the language is the barrier we can never cross unless we can speak that language, or we'll never fully understand.

Well, it's time to write that review -- tonight, I'll be my own historian.

Translation

I've got a class using English text book. Every week, there're two students giving presentations in English to the class, and the topic could be anything. I like this part a lot, as I'm kinda curious about my classmates' English. Giving a speech could say a lot -- speaking ability, writing skills, what we care about... It's our third year in university, and we don't have English class anymore; this class is the only class having something to do with English. And it's one of the very few classes that I like. Some students don't like it though, as English is not easy for them. Last week, I helped someone, who had no idea what to write, find an entry from this blog as his presentation, and it worked. Yesterday, another classmate who will give the presentation next week asked me to translate an essay he's written in Chinese -- writing in English seems a little bit difficult for him. Translating to English, sure thing, I'm happy to do that. Though I'm not good at that, just willing to spend time on English. And here's what I've just done-- (Note: The author is a history major junior)

"Since the first day I went to school, I've got a goal that I want to be extraordinary by diligent study. Time flies, now I'm a junior; it seems that I'm getting closer to my goal. My high school teacher once said, "When you go to college, if you could spend 20 percent of high school study time on study, you'd do a good job." At that time, I didn't believe him that much, don't the college student study? I wondered. But now I've realized that what the teacher told me makes sense. What I've done in these three years? I've been thinking about thisquestion a lot when lying on the bed at night. I just feel that I haven't done anything, and I haven't learned anything either. Honestly, I like history, but what I'm interested in is some fascinating stories rather than studying it as a major. Will learning history have something to do with or help with my future job? I've been living in confusion for three years, and I haven't figured it out yet. Now in the classroom, many teachers just tell us theories. Though I'm sitting there every day, I don't feel like listening. I think the education system is a failure. Spending four years in university is totally wasting our time, two years would be enough.

Many classmates have already started making their future plans: some want to go to grad school; some want to go abroad; some want to find a job. Attending a grad school is the most popular one. I've thought about it too, but I'm afraid I'd be wasting my time in grad school as what I've been doing in university -- I see this a lot through many graduates. Maybe getting a job is my best choice. It could give me more chances and opportunities to cope with the real world, and that's what I'm yearning for."

I like his presentation, as he wrote pretty honestly; I like anything honest. And I sympathize with many of his thoughts. Actually not just he and me, most students from my major all have the same doubts. We're not alone. Also words have power -- I realize this once again by reading his presentation. I mean, though I talk with my classmates, I don't really know what they're thinking of exactly. But a little piece of writing like this can state someone's viewpoints so clearly. I believe when we write honestly, what we write would be deeper and more real than what we say.

Monks

Monks, when talking about monks, what will come across your mind? Living in temples quietly, having little connection with the outside world, and probably the masters of Kungfu? Well, that's what I used to think what monks would be like. But after visiting San Tian Zhu Temple (a Buddhism temple in Hangzhou). I've changed my impression of monks, completely.

I went to San Tian Zhu Temple with my class. It's an anthropology course. A monk would give use a lecture on Buddhism there. Getting out of classroom always makes me a little bit excited. I listened to the monk's lecture with curiosity and full attention. The monk was wearing glasses. I knew it's normal to have a bad vision, but glasses on him seemed so weird -- to me, monks were not supposed to wear glasses. The lecture was kinda interesting. The monk not only talked about some old Buddhism stuff, but also some problems they're facing now. And he seemed to know the outside world a lot. He talked about the world news, the Chinese politics, our education system... The topics he covered surprised me, how come the monk knows so much about this world, I wondered.

After the lectures, I walked around the temple, wanting to take some pictures. I saw many monks passing by. But I was kinda awkward to pull out my camera. Do they mind? I was hesitant.

"Is this a digital camera"? Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind. I turned around and saw a monk. He looked pretty young, and kinda cute. Next to him, there was a thirty something monk.

"Oh, yes. Our professor took us to visit here. Now the class was over, so I..." I thought taking pictures in the temple was not that appropriate, so I was trying to explain why I was holding a camera.

"Hey, how about taking some pictures for us?" The young monk said.

Taking Pictures for you?!? Greeeeeeat! It's hard to believe he was asking me to take pictures for them!

"Sure!" I couldn't be happier. Several shots were done quickly.

"Thanks." The young monk smile. ��And can you e-mail us the pictures?"

E-mail? Wow, monks know e-mail, it surprised me a lot. I even never thought about that monks know how to use a computer.

"Of course I can, leave me your e-mail address." I took out some paper and he wrote down his e-mail address.

"You have the Internet connection here?" I was curious.

"Yeah, I surf the web a lot." The young monk nodded.

"Interesting."

He seemed pretty easy to talk to, so I started a conversation with him. From him, I got to know more about their lives. Every morning, they have to get up at 4:00. They spend 4 hours on studying Buddhism every day. (2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening.) Besides, they have much freedom to do what they like. He's got 400 RMB salary per month. A rich monk can get more than 2000RMB per month.

"To be honest, I don't think you look like a monk." I told him, "You seem to be a regular guy having shaved off his hair and wearing a robe."

"Haha." He laughed.

"Hey, it's time for lunch." The thirty something monk grabbed the young monk's arm, ready to go. The thirty something monk was listening to our conversation, but he didn't talk.

"I gotta go. We could chat over OICQ sometimes." The young monk seemed reluctant to end the conversation. So did I. It was really interesting talking with him. And the suggestion of chatting on the Internet -- surprised me again. What a monk! No drink? No meat? No women? I didn��t think he could live up to any of these rules.

After they left, I reminded of something the lecture monk mentioned. In the past, the society was simpler. Monks were from the society. so their minds were simple too, and it's easier for them to be content with the monastic lives. But now, the society is more complicated, and full of temptation. There're three types of people who wanna be a monk. The first type is the people who truly believe in Buddhism, willing to be free from all desires. The second type is the ones who are tired of the outside world and want to hide in a quiet place for some time. The third type is the ones who want to make money. They consider monk a good profession. As living in temple is free, and the food is free too. What's more, everyone could get a decent salary every month. Saving money is such an easy thing. They've got their motivation, and surely they'll leave the temple after they make enough money.

And that��s the end of today��s story. I took many pictures that day, please take a look.